Monday, April 25, 2011

Adventures in Wax

As I was lying in bed last night I realized I hadn't blogged. So I will do two today. This mornings entry is a little piece I wrote a few years ago.
Adventures in Wax
I once heard someone say that as we get older, not as much hair grows on our legs. This, she said, was so that we can better care for our mustaches. I was in my early thirties and sure that this would never happen to me.
That lasted until my stepson interrupted conversation I was having with a friend at church. "Hey," He said, coming up close to my face, "Did you know you have a mustache?" I think my not killing him qualifies me for sainthood.
I have used the “Nair” type hair remover which is fairly effective except for a few large stubborn hairs. These hairs are dark and thick and seem to be rooted in my toes. Despite leaving the so called "pleasant smelling" goo on my face 10 minutes longer than the instructions call for but those three hairs refuse to budge.
While browsing through the hair removal products at Wal-Mart I decided to try the wax. I mean, really, how hard could it be? But which one? Wax with linen strips or without, cold or hot, regular or with maple sugar, the kind that comes with its own little electric warming pot or the kind you heat up in the microwave. This was harder than picking names for my children. Finally I decided on the small pot of microwaveable hot wax with maple sugar.
It took a week or so after I bought it before I had time to try it. I opened the bottle and looked at the sickly green color wondering if that was what it was supposed to look like. Shouldn’t something with maple sugar in it be more of a warm brown? The directions said to put it in the microwave on medium for 30 seconds to start, then 15 seconds intervals until the wax looked "creamy" but not to exceed 60 seconds total. At 60 seconds the wax the consistency of cold "Bit O'Honey" candy. 45 seconds later the wax looked kinda creamy. 
I quickly slapped some on the one side of mouth. After the instructed 15 seconds I struggled to grasp the wax. It reminded me of the time I accidentally put my best Tupperware strainer on the still turned on burner of the stove.  Finally I was able to get a grip on it and rip it off my face.
Tears immediately poured down my face but I hurried to get some on the other side before the wax hardened so I wouldn't be lopsided. I again ripped it off thinking, "Woohoo! Finally I will be free of the mustache!"
Then I looked in the mirror. There, just where I left them, were those three big ugly hairs! I am requesting a purple mustache comb for my birthday.


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