Saturday, August 11, 2012

Rut. Rut. Rut.

Lately I feel like I go to work, come home, watch tv, go to bed then get up and do it all again the next day. On weekends I go grocery shopping, to the store and watch. tv. Sometimes I read or crochet and of course I play in Facebook and Pintrest lands and words with friends. But I have a serious lack of actual, non work related real life contact with real live people.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job and my co workers. I think my entire life I have been preparing for this job without even knowing it. I honestly don't know if I could do my job without my amazing coworkers! It is a rare find to have a boss and coworkers who help you correct your mistakes without making you feel stupid. Or maybe that's just me.
As my children have one by one gotten older and more independent it has become obvious just how much my life is entwined in theirs. It has also become very apparent that I have nurtured very few deep friendships.
A lot of this has to do with my own insecurities. I have never been one of the "cool kids". I was friends with cool kids but I wasn't really part of the group. On the outside looking in, occasionally invited, but not close enough to just walk through the front door.
So I built walls. At times I have worked to tear them down but before I know it BAM the wall goes up in record time.  I really want to permantly tear down those walls and DO SOMETHING! Be apart of something. Go in the front door like one of the family. Not sit in my living room waiting.


  1. Your rut was my life before kids. That's what you do when you have a job. At least with kids you have their extracurricular activities to break up your rut. ;-) Now that they are mostly grown and independent, you have more time -- a little, anyway -- to devote to writing. That book is not gonna write itself!

  2. I know what you mean. I have very few "real life" friends. Brenda's right, though, that book isn't going to write itself!