Monday, May 20, 2013

Pre Birthday musings

I suppose it is only natural to get nostalgic and reflective as one approaches milestone birthday and I am no exception. I think God created this habit of ours as a way to remind us of the blessings in our lives. 
It is tempting to whine about all the things I thought I would have achieved by now, the success I thought I would have enjoyed, the losses I have endured. 
The truth is that every experience I have had make me the person I am, for better or worse, and prepared me for this exact moment in time. For the journey.
My old cross country coach is now the principal at a school I work in. When I told him I was embarking on the Fatty must run marathon challenge he was less than encouraging. I see his point. He remembers the girl I was and doesn't really really know the woman I have become. In front of him he sees the outward appearance of a short, wide woman who ate to build a fortress around herself to keep people away. If they can't get through the walls, they can't hurt you.
He sees the girl who wimped out halfway through almost every race to walk. He does not see the woman who has endured complicated pregnancies, a month long bedrest,  an emergency c-section where she woke up to a doctor saying her 4lb 7ounce baby boy may not live through the night. He does not see the woman who went through three days labor to finally give birth to a 8lb 7oz boy with a giant head and bad hips. The trips to the mall with a double stroller carrying a kid in a cast from his chest to his ankles, another kid hooked up to a feeding machine, oxygen attached to a tracheostomy, a suction machine handy for the inevitable clogged tube.He doesn't see the woman who held her first son as he drew his last breath at age 3. He doesn't see the woman who went through 2 days of labor that ended in an emergency c-section and a post op infection a week later.
This woman is a warrior and a survivor.
This time next year  he will see her.